7 Tips to Forgiveness


To err is human, and to forgive is divine.

That statement, made popular by Alexander Pope in the early 18th century, is a very popular concept in our world today.  I decided to do some research on a few of the most common religions as well as Atheism to see what their thoughts are.  This is what I discovered:

Christians believe that forgiveness is a choice we make in order to be obedient to God.  Colossians 3:13 states, “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (NIV)

The Muslims believe that God forgives a man his sins, but that man himself must also forgive others.  At least five names given to God in the Quran reflect his desire to forgive the sinner.

The Jewish religion thinks forgiveness is so important it even has specific periods in which forgiveness is given out.  The days before Yom Kipper are traditionally used to ask for forgiveness from others you have wronged.

And, when researching the Atheists’ ideas on forgiveness I found this statement.  “But forgiveness, at least the sort I’m talking about here, is not really about the other person at all. It is about us. As something we can do for ourselves, at least in some circumstances, striving to forgive others is a decent idea with benefits.  When we hold grudges, resentments, or hatred, we invest our own emotional resources in something that typically ends up being toxic for us. Forgiveness, when possible, relieves this burden and is good for our physical and emotional well-being.”  (Atheistrev.com).

Seems forgiveness is pretty important, if you fit into one of the 4 groups above (which constitutes about 82% of Americans today).  But it can often be hard to forgive, especially when someone has hurt us.

Try these 7 tips to forgive those who have wronged you:

1.  Remind yourself that you are not perfect, and neither is the person who has hurt you.  When you have made mistakes in the past, I bet you appreciated being forgiven.

2.  Have compassion.  Some people are plagued with mental disease.  You will never have a rational relationship with them.  They will never admit to doing you harm.  Remember they are not healthy.  They need your prayers more then your anger.

3.  Forgive yourself for all you have done wrong.  We cannot give to others that which we deny ourselves.

4.  Give yourself time.

5.  Surround yourself with good, life affirming people.

6.  Write a letter to them, telling them what they did to you and how it hurt you.  Burn it.

7.  Live in the present.  And leave the past in the past.

I hope one or more of these tips helps you live a life of forgiveness.

Coach K

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Today is the 8th day of 2015. I got up and did what I have done every day of this new year so far. Picked out a granny smith apple, grabbed a handful of kale and a cucumber from the refrigerator and headed to my juicer to make a fresh glass. Then I sat down with my bible and had some one on one time with God. This is the most perfect way for me to start my day, by honoring my intentions around my physical and spiritual life.

Oh, how I wish this day could be repeated for 365 days. And in a perfect world it would. But we don’t live in a perfect world, do we? Sometimes things get in the way of us living out our “perfect day”.   Oftentimes when that “perfect day” gets interrupted we buy into the belief that we just can’t be intentional, so we simply stop trying. It’s time to stop believing that lie. We can live intentionally. We can set goals and achieve them. We can be our best selves.

If you make one New Years resolution in 2015 let it be this:


Let me help you jump start your 2015 by sharing my 7 steps to setting an intention.

  1. Identify 1 area in your life you have not been honoring.
  2. Set a 30 day intention to improve that area of your life. This could be a goal (like “I will lose 10 lbs.”) or an outcome (like “I am living out my calling with excellence.”)
  3. List every roadblock that will keep you from honoring this intention. This is a place to brain dump. Don’t overthink it or qualify your responses.
  4. Go back through the above list. What are real threats? What aren’t? Delete all threats that aren’t real then prioritize what’s left in order of most threatening.
  5. Create a solution to diminish or delete the top 2 threats.
  6. Create the disciplines that you will need to do in order to reach your intention. Calendar them immediately.
  7. Review weekly.   What is working? What isn’t? Adjust accordingly.

I was listening to Regina Duncan’s TED Talk yesterday titled From Mach-20 Glider to Hummingbird Drone.  In it she asks her audience this question –  “What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?”   Check out the video below:

The answer to that question could be the start of something great for you in 2015.   All you have to do is believe you can succeed and set an intention to accomplish it.

Here’s to your best year yet.

Coach K

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Making a List and Checking it Twice

yes or no

I am on my way to the Building Champions headquarters in Portland, OR for a few days of year-end reflection, business planning for next year and connecting with my co-workers.  It is one of the trips I look forward to each year. Continue reading

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Teeter Totter Logic


Have you ridden on a teeter totter? I loved the teeter totter, the power of pushing my feet off the ground and soaring high, however there was always the fear when I got to the top due to my fear of heights. Will the person on the other end ever let me down? It was terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. I wasn’t always sure that I was going to make it down to the ground safely, but once on the ground there was always a sigh of relief. On the ground there is control, you can get up and walk away without exposure to the fear that lies at the top of the teeter totter. The ground is safe and predictable. Continue reading

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The Most Important Question

Questioning Woman

I love sitting down with my cup of decaf coffee and writing what is on my mind and in my heart.  So, it pains me when I actually sit down and I think I have nothing to say. However, here are a few one liners that have sprouted up during my reflection time over the last few weeks. Continue reading

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